We’re in the process of trying to sell our house. I’m not really sure WHY other than right now is a “seller’s market”. Oh, my god. Just typing out that first sentence and my chest starts to tighten, yet again, over all the bullshit that this process is. From the beginning I heard that selling is SO much easier than the buying of a house. Fuck you. That’s a lie. If you are ever in the homeowner position and find yourself attempting to sell? Prepare yourself for day after day of nothing but stress. Stress and anger. Stress and exhaustion. Then, for an extra helping of good times; just go ahead a plop another scoop of stress on the motherfucker.

Now that I have all of that off my chest, let me say that I am SURE there are people that can see the reasoning behind selling a home in Southern California. We are PRIME real estate. Yes, there are dollars to be made. That, my friends, is what is holding me on at this point.

Despite having brought our youngest(and last) son straight from the hospital to this home, I have no emotional attachments to this house. I love this house but, if someone comes along and can see themselves here, two words… “Pay me”. Make this bitch your own. Paint it pink with purple trim. (There’s no HOA so, you could actually do that.) There’s five bedrooms and three bathrooms, a three car garage and in a centralized location for any commuter’s needs. Take it. But, also take note that there is a super annoying neighborhood kid that I fear, at some point, become the neighborhood peeping tom.

On the plus side, we have two amazing friends that just happened to be willing to deal with our ridiculously fucked up family life and take on the chore of being on our team regardless.  And, trust that they have been above and beyond throughout this thing. (If you need an agent and/or a staging/interior expert in So Cal, let me know.)

I am not a patient person by any stretch of the imagination. I get flustered easily and when shit doesn’t stick to a schedule, I get pissed. I don’t find myself mildly irritated like normal people, I get fucking angry. And without sounding snide or overconfident, honestly? After speaking with a few people that just recently sold and bought in our area, a few friends that are or have been in real estate business… I thought that our house would be on the market for a week, two weeks… Not going on two fucking months. And, yes. I completely understand that some houses stay on the market for years, got it. And, I should be completely grateful that we have a home that is ours. Well, I’m sorry. That is what nice, politically correct minded people do. I am angry over getting in this and being over my head. I’m angry that all of my things are shoved into boxes in our garage and replaced with someone else’ things. Admittedly, more beautiful and more tasteful things than I have but, still; not ours. Just in the last two weeks have I began pulling down some of the staging props and sending them home with my girl friend. Slowly, I am bringing touches of our family back in from the garage.  But, always second guessing each item that crosses the threshold. So many “rules” when you want to sell your home. “Paint this color”, “Take down photos”, “No religious/spiritual items”… It’s Halloween time. I called my friend to ask if it was advisable or not to place decor up. (For the record, he said decor was a-okay. lol) I mean, you never know what you have may offend a potential buyer. People are fucking weird, yo. Trust me; I am a people.

My husband was in a motorcycle accident at the end of July. He just recently had surgery on his foot and has been on strict, “no weight bearing” instruction from his surgeon and ortho team. He’s angry because he can’t go anywhere without me driving him, still can’t shower normally and he doesn’t even see the doctor again until October 30th. This wasn’t something that either of us were expecting when we put the house on the market. Not failing to make mention of the fact that he has to deal with HIS frustrations as well as my frustrations. And, I am not a nice frustrated person to be around and neither is he. Not even the happy ending pic I try to paint in my head of us as a family on the beaches of Maui, is enough to push me through at this point. (Which by the way, we will be making happen once this motherfucker sells.)

We have three boys that all have very different needs and parenting styles to meet those needs. I’m an asshole. He’s an asshole. The kids are assholes and mostly because they are feeding off of us. He and I are being assholes to each other and trust, with our personalities… it ain’t pretty. Neither one of us are “nice people”; especially during some stressful shit like this. Oh, let me not forget to mention that I am a recovering alcoholic and the husband stopped drinking the day before his accident. This my friends, is how ‘murder for hire’ ads end up on Craigslist.

This weekend was like, the 6th open house that we have done in less than two months. This weekend, was also the first time that we had what appears (potentially) to be an offer on the house.  (After lowering the asking price an almost offensive amount, I might add.) I just want this to be done. I want a “yes/no” as to whether we have wasted all this time and energy, all this money and our friends’ time, energy and money as well. Either there is someone that is interested in the house or there isn’t. Can I put my shit back on the walls? What the fuck are we doing here? I need for the added tensions to go and for our marriage and our family to be somewhat “normal” again. I am physically and mentally done.

But, for right now… I have to decide whether to go back and proofread this to see if anything that I wrote makes sense or to go and shower so that I can be at the AA meeting tonight with all these goddamned pumpkin spice, mini muffins in tow.

Fuck it. Let’s get stoned.





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