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Sometimes I tend to talk a bit excessively…

For those that know me well, I tend to talk a wee bit. haha
But, I am terrified of any type of public speaking.
I have written speeches for local business owners (friends) however, had I been asked to actually say them OUTLOUD?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… No.
Who was the speech teacher in high school? Track her down. Ask her if she remembers the 200 pound student that cold passed out on her floor when it came time to present.
So, after all that; I actually spoke at AA last night.
The topic was “What did you do today to stay sober?”
#1 I hate that fucking question. Normally, it means that you are an unprepared dick who shouldn’t have accepted to lead a meeting.
Moving on…
Last night when I spoke, I touched on words of persons that I came across in my first year and change of sobriety and the words that as of late, had be resonating in my head.
1. I remember sitting at Starbucks after a meeting in 2010. I was contemplating if I really WAS an alcoholic. MAYBE, I was just so severely depressed that I used it as a crutch. This woman looked at me and with all the sincerity she had said, “You know, that could be the case. Maybe you AREN’T an alcoholic. But, are you willing to take that chance to find out?”
2. There was a couple in the main AA meeting that I attended in the beginning. He was an “old timer” (years upon years sober) and she was sober for quite awhile. These are people that I respected and looked up to. I was about a year and change into my recovery and one night after a meeting, he and I were chatting about me not having a sponsor to walk me through working the steps.
His words to me, “If you don’t have a sponsor, you’ll be dead in a year.”
Challenge accepted, mother fucker. And, I never walked back into a meeting until 2015.
3. And this one, I think can apply to most any task in life; if you get comfortable and give yourself a chance to think “maybe”, you have already relapsed.
Get comfortable, get canned. Job, social circles fuck, even in the route you take home from work everyday… you name it and this can apply. If you start to get too cocky enough in anything, BOOM! You’ll find out how quickly that shit can change.
And, as the always pleasant Melody, I felt that I also needed to knock the newcomers in the room back into the harsh reality that alcoholism, like any disease/addiction, there are three levels of initial TRUE recovery;
1. Immediate high of, “I’m really doing this! I got this! I am invincible!”
2. You hit the bottom of the roller coaster where that adrenaline has hit the pit of your stomach and you’re not wholly convinced if you need to vomit or ride again but, that feeling is not “okay”.
3. You eventually get to feel “normal” again. And that may be the hardest part. (imho)
So, thoughtless meanderings of a recovering alcoholic. Thanks for letting me share; my name is Melody and I am an alcoholic.
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About melodyswatson

Thanks for giving this blog a chance. Well, it would have been cool if you would have tried it when I started it like, FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO! But, water under the bridge and lets go from here… ;) I am a soon to be, 40 year old mother of three boys, proud wife to one sexy ass Navy Chief, fur-mom to two dogs, five cats, two rats and a black corn snake. I thrive on chaos and therefore I also bottle feed and foster underage kittens for my girlfriend's rescue. I am THE Crazy Cat Lady. I live in Southern California (yes, you can be jealous now) and own my home so… I won't ever be leaving! I am not close to my family mainly because… well, I don't really relate to them. But, I love the fuck out of my friends and will do anything for them. I hope that you will follow this blog. Mainly because it would nice to hear your own experiences or times you relate to something you read on here. But, also be aware that I am NOT an everyday, on schedule blogger. I blog when I have something to share. Always remember that forced words on paper are just as fake as that 'comeback' you have towards someone ten minutes too late. Let it go and wait for the next victim. I am also a staunch supporter of swearing. If I didn't swear, you would know that I was dead. So, take a stroll down memory lane on this blog and follow my thoughts and adventures.

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