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Surgical humor… best question EVER

So, on the topic of weight loss; mine in particular…
For those that are not aware, I had gastric bypass in 2002.
 
October 16, 2002
I was checked into the hospital and in that gen pop, OR prep area where they give you all the good relaxation shit via IV. My mother went to close the privacy curtain and the nurse quickly stops her. My mom looks at her and says, “You just gave her meds to chill her out. Trust me. You WANT to close this curtain.” (The curtain remained open at the insistence of the charge nurse.)
Not moments after this and watching the Today Show with Katie Couric, I for no reason known to me, yell out “FUCK YOU, KATIE COURIC!” Dude, I have never had any issues with Katie fucking Couric before this moment. (The nurse then comes and closes not only the curtain but the door as well.)
My dad comes in and informs me that somehow he has made contact with my anesthesiologist and they went to college together. (Delta State, bitches! Home of the mighty FIGHTING OKRA!) Okay, so that should be comforting, right?
Anyway, I digress. They (Who the fuck were ‘THEY’ anyway? Who are all of those people that always roll you into an operating room?)
Rolled in and everyone is so well, happy. I guess the thought of cutting into people thrills the shit out of them. Hey, me too! Carry. The. Fuck. On.
Looking back, I could have felt like I was Ana from 50 Shades of Gray/Grey being tethered down and locked into place. Dear lort… And then it starts; they all start asking you questions to keep your mind busy while they stick needles and fuck knows what else everywhere but, this day; a question was asked that stuck in my brain and swear, I can still hear my dad’s friend saying it,
“Melody, what’s the first thing that you’re going to do after you lose all this weight?”
“I’m gonna work at mother fucking Hooters.”
The entire surgical team froze and then started laughing so hard that they were actually making me nervous.  And, that was the last thing that I heard as my life changed.  It’s a pretty good memory of a really dark time.
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About melodyswatson

Thanks for giving this blog a chance. Well, it would have been cool if you would have tried it when I started it like, FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO! But, water under the bridge and lets go from here… ;) I am a soon to be, 40 year old mother of three boys, proud wife to one sexy ass Navy Chief, fur-mom to two dogs, five cats, two rats and a black corn snake. I thrive on chaos and therefore I also bottle feed and foster underage kittens for my girlfriend's rescue. I am THE Crazy Cat Lady. I live in Southern California (yes, you can be jealous now) and own my home so… I won't ever be leaving! I am not close to my family mainly because… well, I don't really relate to them. But, I love the fuck out of my friends and will do anything for them. I hope that you will follow this blog. Mainly because it would nice to hear your own experiences or times you relate to something you read on here. But, also be aware that I am NOT an everyday, on schedule blogger. I blog when I have something to share. Always remember that forced words on paper are just as fake as that 'comeback' you have towards someone ten minutes too late. Let it go and wait for the next victim. I am also a staunch supporter of swearing. If I didn't swear, you would know that I was dead. So, take a stroll down memory lane on this blog and follow my thoughts and adventures.

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