Okay. So, here’s the deal;
I actually just turned 40 a little over a month ago. But, I feel like I’ve been 40 for YEARS. For almost the last 12 years; I have felt 40. Ever. Single. Year. And it all began when I had that first little unplanned bundle of joy.
On a serious note, I had been looking forward to my 40th birthday. Like a mother fucking boss. I made a ’40 Before 40′ list, I did a semi cake smash photo shoot with my tribe. I planned and executed my 40th birthday dinner party and with a little over three weeks to go; have survived (I don’t use that word loosely either), #Deployment2016.
Fortunately for everyone reading this, definitely not a poor, woe is me, deployment post. This is seriously about things that I have learned in the days leading up to and immediately following celebrating my 40th year on this planet. So, fasten your seat belts and lets fire this mother fucker up.
I’m sorry. I must interject here. I really fucking hate that intro into well, anything. “Fasten your seat belts”. What fucking seat belts? UGH. Sorry, returning to the subject at hand.
I honestly don’t feel forty. Not that I would know what to compare the feeling to but, you get what I’m saying. I felt 40 when I was 22. I have friends that are young enough to be my daughters and sons. Wow. Letting that sink in for a minute. Here goes…
- One never really appreciates all the compliments on your flawless skin for all of those years until you hit the big 4-0. Then, BAM! You find your ass glancing at every anti-aging cream and collagen supplement that you can get your spindly little fingers on. Then, you find yourself in the line at Costco and the most expensive thing in your cart is that anti-aging balm that you hear people swear by.
- Did you know that you get gray hairs, um… DOWN THERE? Now, without putting all of my business out there; I’m a rather ‘tidy’ female so, imagine my dismay at finding not only that I had missed a hair but, it. Was. GRAY. What is this shit? No. Nope. I may have signed up for hot flashes and mood swings but I did not, under any circumstance, sign up for gray coochie hair. Fuck you. Melody signing off.
- Although I have always been a fairly open person however, in the months leading to turning 40, I have discovered a whole new level of, “FUCK YOU”, “YOU’RE FUCKING STUPID”, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” and many more that I use on a more that necessary basis. Mainly, saying all of the aforementioned out loud and telling people when they fucked up. It’s refreshing.
- Their are friends and then there are those that make up your “tribe”. I love all my friends but, no matter what, I know that my tribe of women have my back. No longer will I tolerate people that don’t want to be in my life. No longer will I wonder what I did wrong for someone to walk out of my circle. No longer will I humiliate myself by begging people to be involved. I’m worth more than flakes and fakes. And if you have read this far… SO ARE YOU.
I’ve learned that being a mom to three boys is HELL. Pure, unadulterated HELL right here in Murrieta, CA. I don’t even want to imagine if Jasper had been the girl we were going for. To my friends with all girls… my heart and my ass hurts for you. lmao
I deserve the voice that I was given to stand up for what I believe in. To scream when I think that something is wrong. My entire adolescent life in Mississippi was being told to not say this and behave that way, don’t talk back, do what you are told and don’t question it. Yeah, that shit went out with the baby’s bath water. I remember the first time that I disagreed with my grandmother, who by all accounts is a raging bitch. I remember where I was. I remember the second when she realized that I wasn’t backing down. I also remember her hauling off and slapping the ever living fuck out of me. For DISAGREEING with her. That was the day that I began to embrace my voice. I just didn’t know that it would take another 20+ years to perfect my um, SUBTLE approach to others and their opinions. Embrace your voice. Speak the truth regardless of the popularity you will gain or lose.
If you read this thus far, you are obviously reading an old entry that I never finished. I don’t know why but, I just never finished, published it and honestly? Maybe I was fucking high as a kite because I really don’t even remember why I wrote it but, hope that you enjoy. And, in a little over two months I will turn 41.
Oh, how the time does fly…