Today has not been an easy day.  I mean, who the fuck am I kidding?  No day is ever an “easy” day around here.  But, and I am sure that you all can relate to this, some days are a hell of a lot harder than others.

I am so exhausted of being an “only” parent already on this turn at sea duty for my husband.  It’s not his fault.  It’s not the US Navy’s fault.  It’s what I signed up for and I am definitely not complaining.  But, less than two months in on this three year tour and I am physically and mentally spent.

One can really be spoiled when there is a significant other around all the time.  Then, there comes these times that well, you have to suck it up and be the person that everyone needs you to be.  But, in the words of a very famous internet meme,

“I don’t want to adult today.”

In case you haven’t noticed by now, this is really just a blog of me free writing.  Something that I highly encourage everyone to try at least a few times in your life.  It’s actually a great TEMPORARY replacement if your (much recommended) therapist is not available or well, if you can’t pick up your happy place medication for another week.  #truestory

Lately, I have been on a cleaning strike in regards to the rooms of my two older children.  As well as their nasty ass bathroom.  Today I decided that I needed to take control and do my motherly duty of making sure that their living environment was at least disinfected from their disgustingness.  You may be asking, “What does a ‘cleaning strike’ entail and how in the fuck do I pull that shit off?”  Well, please let me guide you.

In my case, a “cleaning strike” is where I refuse to wash, dry, fold or hang any clothing that is not in the proper dirty laundry hampers.  It also means that I won’t be bitching at them to clean their areas.  I mean, if they want to live in complete filth, why not?  Today, I actually found CAT SHIT on the eldest kid’s floor.  Bad kitty, right?  Of course.  The litter box is literally about ten feet from where the shit was.  However, I wasn’t pissed about that.  Oh, no.  Hell, I wasn’t pissed off at all.  All that I could bring myself to think was the amount of time that the pile of cat shit had been in there to actually HARDEN.  Fucking really?  I know that you are only ten years old but, have some fucking pride.  UGH

Saturday night is the 240th Navy Birthday Ball.  I have the most fabulous dress imaginable.  My husband is going to be even more gorgeous than normal since for the first time in his naval career, he will be wearing anchors and chocker whites to the event.  We will be eating wonderful food and hanging out with fabulous people.  I’m not remotely excited.  And, to add insult to that injury… guess what monthly visitor decided that this month was the perfect month to show up about a week early?  I swear, if I was a cheerleader I would be jumping up and down with pom poms and screaming “2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate?  Yaaaaaaayyyyyyy, this is bullshit!”

I have been on a fucking diet for my whole life.  My whole. Fucking. Life.  Not my ADULT life mind you.  The whole goddamn thing.  I am at a point in my life now that I am refusing to eat another fucking salad or another baked chicken breast.  Nope.  Not going to do it.  Give me my mother fucking chicken fried, my pizza greasy and the weight loss clinic to get my legal speed without a waiting line.  I am so there.

Now, what is about to happen is that I am going to take my fat, happy (NOT!) ass upstairs, I am going to put actual pants on, I am going to take that same fat, pizza loving ass to Target, get my trenta, iced green tea with no water, no classic and seven splendas AND a refill to bring home then proceed to Flippin’ Pizza for a slice of whatever looks and sounds good, come home, send the kids to do whatever their little asses need to get done and I am going to crawl my ass into my hell chair and enjoy watching #empire and #ahs like a big girl.  #nobiggirlpantiesneeded