Today is Monday, June 8th. Today is the first day of the last week that Watson will be at this training command as an instructor. What does this mean to those not affiliated with the military? What this means is that after that day on March 24, 2012 when I picked him up from the San Diego airport, this is the first time that we have had to think about him going back to sea duty. Now, the time is here.
One of my friends said it best about spending time away from her husband, “I need to miss him”. I’ve always agreed with that sentiment. I still agree with it. But, when it becomes REAL and forced upon you… well, then it just. Plain. Sucks.
The last time that Watson was on sea duty, he was stationed on the USS Carl Vinson. Again, if you aren’t military… it’s the big, big boat that buried Osama Bin Laden at sea. lol
The last time that Watson was on sea duty, on the first deployment with the Vinson, I had a trip to meet the ship in Hawaii, sans kids, at the tail end of the deployment. On the second deployment aboard the Vinson, although the time apart was shorter, it was harder. But, I also had the possibility of trying for a third baby to look forward to. (btw, we got that third baby December 2012.)
This sea duty. This next three, possibly four years of possible deployments, late nights, weeks gone and weeks home, work ups and training, for the first time… I have nothing to look forward to. Well, there is the fact that this will be the last sea duty of his Naval career. There will be things with the boys that I can look forward to but, selfishly like every other military spouse, I just want him to be home. I want him to be here to see accomplishments and failures. To help with the daily life of the family that we have made together. I don’t want to relearn how to change a flat tire. I don’t want to have to call my friends to save my ass when I forget to put gas in the car. (Hey, that is when you KNOW shit got real…)
I don’t want to take all the boys to Target. I don’t want to be the “mean mom” that I HAVE to be when he’s gone. I don’t want to have to give up my ME time for the Navy. I’m frustrated, irritated and angry already. And, I don’t even know when or if he will even deploy!
I’m not a total pessimist. I see the bright side to deployments. Time to miss him. Time to become FRIENDS again. Time to get to know my kids and be their everything again. Time to save money. Time to pay off bills. Time to spoil the boys because you truly don’t realize how nice family separation, hazardous duty pay and tax free paychecks are. Hey, judge me all you want. You other military wives KNOW that I speak the truth. lmao
I miss him already. There is going to come the first night that he won’t be home the next day. Or the day after that, the week after that. Those weeks eventually drag on into months and things get easier. Missing him never gets easier. The trying to explain to the kids why he can’t be here never gets easier. But with each day that passes, the closer we come to being together again.
And that, my friends… is my whiney, “poor, woe is me” military wife blog. I hope that you enjoyed my complaining. And, if you can relate to anything in here, share with another military spouse. Let them know that it’s completely normal. Everything that they may be feeling is justified and has reason to be said out loud.
Much love, until next time…