To my bestie…on the celebratory day in remembrance of her escape from the vagina

I have in my head, all the things that I want to say about my best friend.  So much that I could just allow to spill out but, I’m not as eloquent as she is so, I am just going to write from the bottom of my stone cold heart.

Dearest Sarah,

(Don’t worry, this won’t be one of the long blogs…)  Today is the day that I celebrate your momentous escape from your maternal unit’s vagina.  I honestly can’t say anything other than, you are the best.  The absolute-est, most amazing-est, caring-est, beautiful-est, funniest and most-est bestest friend that I could have ever hoped for.  Little did I know that almost 11 years ago, I would be lucky enough to be welcomed into your life.

I’ve noticed that when I tell people about you, I find myself making sure that they understand that if they actually have the patience to tolerate me, they will fall in love with you.  For all intent and purpose, our personalities are so similar that it’s eerie.  Although, I do make people aware that YOU are the classy one.  YOU actually think before you speak and tend to always know the right thing to say without offending anyone within earshot.  I love that we have the same (somewhat) sense of humor and you totally get the joke and can silence me before I even get a chance to put my foot in my mouth.  (e.g., the midget at Evans’ birthday party in 2011 that I didn’t even HIRE!  SCORE!)

You have been there for every milestone in mine and Watson’s relationship.  You have been there for the birth of all three of my boys, (who, by the way, you are slated to take possession of if I kick the bucket before their 18th birthday. Bet that you didn’t sign up for THAT!!!)  You laughed at the Fat Beagle with me, listened to me as I bitched about Watson and the kids, gave out Halloween candy as my lesbian sidekick, surprised me with so many THOUGHTFUL and USEFUL little Amazon gifts that I have no idea how I will ever repay them.  (Although, tonight…at your wilderness vagina escape party, I am damn well going to try.)

Long story (somewhat) short, I love you. You are the most intelligent, kind, beautiful blonde that I have the pleasure of referring to as my BFF.  You have amazing taste in shoes and appreciate the Kohls coupons as much as I do.

I can’t wait to grow old with you.

-Melody