Thoughtless meanderings of a very tired momma…. The middle of the night edition

1. Jasper woke up at 2:39am. I am not happy but, at least I wasn’t doped up on four Benedryl.
2. Finding Nemo is on. It came on at 2:30 so, by not getting downstairs on until approximately 10 minutes after the fact, I was lucky enough to miss the dad fish’s annoying voice.
3. I have never actually watched Finding Nemo all the way through and this movie is the only time I can actually find humor in Ellen Degenres.
4. Albert Brooks. That’s his name. What an annoying voice that man has.
5. I’m reminded at this very moment how much it irks me when corporation us emotional ties to one’s past to sell their product. (e.g., Cheerios)
6. Coffee tastes delicious no matter what time of day or night.
7. You the old saying, “Locks only keep honest people out” ? It should be revamped to, “Baby gates only keep sleeping babies out”. I can see Jasper’s wee mind working at 3:16 in the morning.
8. It sucks being poor. I mean, it really bites the big one. Although, it doesn’t suck enough to go out and spend $50 on lottery tickets.
9. Bruce Leroy is one of the most spastic yet, patient kittens that I have ever seen. If it was me being yanked and pulled on by an 8 month old, I wouldn’t be nearly as cordial.
10. Does anyone else think that Finding Nemo would have been a better movie if Sam Jackson had been cast as Nemo’s dad? Well, of course you do. I mean, for fuck’s sake, it’s SAM JACKSON.
11. Those Ticonderoga pencils really are all that people make them out to be. I may never buy off brand #2’s again.
12. I find it extremely disturbing that I should be begging Jasper to go the fuck to sleep but, instead, I am thinking of reasons to stay awake and play with my sewing machine some more.
13. I really love it when I heard someone say the word, “machine” as “macheen”. I just laugh and laugh. Sometimes, I actually snort.
14. I’m willing to bet that sea turtles really are as chill as the ones in Finding Nemo. Unless they come into contact with a turtle hater like my friend, Jason. Who the fuck HATES turtles? *smh*
15. This movie is totally making me want some fried catfish.
16. Why, as parents, do we find it necessary to think that when our baby farts or burps, it warrants praise that would make the normal human think we had just discovered a cure for cancer? It’s really a disturbing occurrence.
17. ^^ No wonder restaurants bank kids after a certain time. It’s not the kids. It’s us annoying ass parents that think everything said kids do is a fucking photo op and or ga-ga, goggly eyes worthy. Bring on the parent-free dining!
18. Which brings me to kids at a buffet restaurant. Can you please teach your kids that the aisle next to my families booth is NOT a forum for pre-k WrestleMania? And, while you’re at it, teach that fucking brat to keep his HANDS out of the fried shrimp?
19. Can it damage an 8 month old’s eyes to be less than a foot away from a 60″ television screen?
20. UGH… that moment. When you pick up your mug to only reveal that you finished your coffee at the last swig. *sigh*


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