I’m telling you. Today has been a whirlwind of a day that I would rather not revisit. However, when confronted with my caring, friendly and adorable neighborhood Starbucks barista’s observations of the following, I couldn’t fucking help myself.
I made my way to Target this evening in hopes of filling a prescription for my cat. Yes, I said, CAT. (You’ll understand as this blog continues.) I walk in at nine minutes after seven. Apparently, the pharmacy at Target closes at 7pm, on the dot. Okay.
I make my way to the front of the store and stop by the Starbucks for some liquid gold and the adorable barista notices that I, “look stressed and like you’ve had a hard day”. Well, if that was your less than subtle way of saying that I look like SHIT, you might want to rethink your career in customer service. But, she is so sincere that I play along.
“Oh, you have no idea. My cat cut his tail off today.” This warrants a look of wonderment but, at the same time, fear in continuing this conversation. But, apparently her sick sense of curiosity got the best of her.
“Oh my GOD! How in the world did that happen?” I proceed to see the humor in this so, I proceed to go into great detail about the vase falling and crashing… blood everywhere… tail hanging on by a single thread of kitten skin… (at this point, she is literally GREEN)
“Hey, you asked.” She just nods. All the while, the line of other customers have stopped to listen to my tale of amputated cat tails and how the vet’s staff offered to let me have the remaining piece of tail to bring home. I mean, if I wanted it, that is. (I really pushed the envelope and told her how one of the girls even said that it was kind of “cute”, kind of like a “lucky rabbit’s foot keychain”)
I have to admit, at this point, I am barely able to contain my excitement over completely rendering this poor child speechless. So, for good measure… I quickly add, “It’s okay though. I always wanted one of those tailless, Manx cats. Have good night!”
And with that, I chose to not even point out that she neglected to add my quad shot into my drink. The look on her face and the utter silence more than made up for that extra 75¢.