Last night I took my middle son, Morgan, to his school for a PTA function. Bingo de Mayo. I’m not going to at like it wasn’t awesome to spend time with my kid. I mean, it’s not much longer and I won’t be able to get him to acknowledge my existence. Let alone, for him to actually WANT to hang out with me.
From the time that I picked he and his brother up from school, all he could go on about was that the “first 200 people got a free tao plate”. I mean, really? He knew that we were tacos at home but, nonetheless, he insisted that we be there to ensure we got the free plates. (In case anyone is interested, we were number 61 and 62 in line. GO, MOM!)
Now, I’ve played my share of Bingo. Our Lady of Fatima Catholic Church was THE hall to feed your need. And, I have seen my share of serious Bingo players. (Little old ladies get vicious if they don’t win SOMETHING.) But, I would like to say nothing I have seen before compared to the level of concentration and seriousness that these parents had last night.
#1 It’s a PTA function. There are not going to be jackpots of $1000 or a $100 gift card to Wal Mart. Jackpots consist of school t-shirts, Costco sized containers of Redvines and SMALL gift cards to Extreme Yogurt or Starbucks. *Note to lady with the skin tight LEOPARD tights: These prizes don’t “suck”. Again, and let’s say it together… “It’s a PTA function.” Slow your roll and take it to the casino.
#2 That’s a $3 taco plate. Be happy that you got the choice of carne asada, chicken or pork. The beans WERE runny, the rice WAS NOT “Mexican” (as if you know, Mr. Whitey) and unfortunately for the lady carrying THREE plates with no assistance from her pants dragging the floor, teenage son, the “chunky” guacamole that she ONLY likes was not in attendance. Again.. “That’s a $3 taco plate”.
#3 Wait, did I mention that this is a PTA function? (Just making sure) So, being that you are NOT a card carrying member of the PTA, yes. YES. Fucking, YES! You are going to have to actually PAY for that $1 Binger dauber. And, please… by all means, take your sweet time picking one of the four colors. Come the hell on. REALLY?!
Now that I have blasted those morons…Please let me continue and say what a great time I had hanging out with my kid. We didn’t win any actual Bingo round but, our door prize ticket was called and we won 2 tickets to the movies. I call that a TOTAL win!
Tomorrow, I take my other kid to a birthday party at some pottery painting place. I’m not going to broadcast it but, I am pretty fucking excited about it. And, I would like to say “Thank you” to the mom that was AMAZING enough to say, “NO” to any of the following: Chuck E. Cheese, miniature golf, Shakey’s, Cici’s or any other place that have game rooms that require I pay money for crap prizes that inevitably will not even make it home before being broken and strewn about my car. Mother of the birthday girl, I salute you.