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Aliens, penises and running. Trust me, it’s all relative

My husband is in the Navy.  Which means, to those of you that aren’t familiar, he is gone ALOT.  Sometimes for 6-9 months out of the year.  During those times, I have to find some way to keep controlled chaos to an acceptable level so that myself as well as the men-children don’t go insane.

What I am about to write actually happened during my husband’s 2010-2011 deployment and since Facebook decided to somehow scrap it from the “Notes” section, I have been asked by my dear friend, Katrina, to make sure that the tale is available for her continued enjoyment.  So, please know that this is all a factual conversation/even that happened just, some words/quotations may be exaggerated to make up for my memory loss.  And now… it begins.

I was sitting in my office one day when Evans (the oldest one) comes up and starts touching things on my desk.  He just happens to find an ultrasound picture of his brother, Morgan, and is going through a human body/baby phase and is extremely interested in the photo.

Evans:  “What is this?”

Me:  “That is morgan’s ultrasound picture of when he was an alien.”

Evans:  “AN ALIEN?!”

Me:  “Yep.  And alien in my tummy before he was born.  All babies are aliens before they come out of their mommy’s tummies.  And,  when you were in my tummy did you know that you had THREE penises?”

Evans:  “WHAT?!”

Me:  “Yep.  Three penises.”

At this point, he is more than mildly disturbed and to this day, I can still see the look of terror (or was it amazement) on his little  6 year old face.

Me:  “You had three penises but, then two of them turned into legs.  So, now you have one penis and two legs.”

Now, let’s fast forward about two weeks…

Evans is running throughout the house and he comes again, to the office where I am working on the computer.  Completely out of breath but, excited.  He is gasping but adages to get out,

“Mom!  I am SO glad that two of my penises turned into legs!”

…and he runs off.


About melodyswatson

Thanks for giving this blog a chance. Well, it would have been cool if you would have tried it when I started it like, FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO! But, water under the bridge and lets go from here… ;) I am a soon to be, 40 year old mother of three boys, proud wife to one sexy ass Navy Chief, fur-mom to two dogs, five cats, two rats and a black corn snake. I thrive on chaos and therefore I also bottle feed and foster underage kittens for my girlfriend's rescue. I am THE Crazy Cat Lady. I live in Southern California (yes, you can be jealous now) and own my home so… I won't ever be leaving! I am not close to my family mainly because… well, I don't really relate to them. But, I love the fuck out of my friends and will do anything for them. I hope that you will follow this blog. Mainly because it would nice to hear your own experiences or times you relate to something you read on here. But, also be aware that I am NOT an everyday, on schedule blogger. I blog when I have something to share. Always remember that forced words on paper are just as fake as that 'comeback' you have towards someone ten minutes too late. Let it go and wait for the next victim. I am also a staunch supporter of swearing. If I didn't swear, you would know that I was dead. So, take a stroll down memory lane on this blog and follow my thoughts and adventures.

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