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Don’t touch that Spam!

Earlier today, I had a complete brush with what can only be described as a near averted, panic attack.

As I was sitting around, waiting on my nail salon to open this morning, the other half of the matrimonial union is scrounging around the pantry in hopes of finding something to make himself for breakfast.  Then, I hear the words that send chills up my spine and cause me to yell out, “NO!”

OHOTMU: “What?  I’m thinking about frying up this Spam for a sandwich.”


What?  No!  Not the Spam that has made move after move with our family.  Not the Spam that I occasionally will come across and again, check the expiration date and reminisce about my first craving for anything in pregnancy.  Not the Spam that reminds me of the first time I went to Hawaii and sat in a Denny’s outside the International Market in Waikiki and almost, just almost ordered the Spam and Eggs.  I mean, not that I would have eaten it anyway but, who doesn’t want to say that they sat in Waikiki and ate Spam?!

Things began to flash through my head at lightening speeds.  The peeling sound of the metal top.  The gelatinous mass that would inevitably be surrounding that mass of mystery meatiness.  The loss of something that stands for something.  No, not something… MANY things.

And with this, he takes notice of the expiration date and that it would expire next year.  And I, find myself uttering words that I would have never thought of hearing myself say.  At least, out loud, that is.

Me: “Well, if you are going to cook it, at least wait until I get back from getting my pedicure.”

OHOTMU: “Um, okay but, why?”

Me: “Well, duh… I need a picture of you cooking it, or opening the can.  Fuck!  Does it matter?  Just make sure to leave at least one piece so that I can take a picture when I get back.”

OHOTMU:  “Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?”

Me:  “JUST DO IT!”

And with that, he cautiously returns the can to the pantry and steps away.

Thank you.  Just, thank you.



About melodyswatson

Thanks for giving this blog a chance. Well, it would have been cool if you would have tried it when I started it like, FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO! But, water under the bridge and lets go from here… ;) I am a soon to be, 40 year old mother of three boys, proud wife to one sexy ass Navy Chief, fur-mom to two dogs, five cats, two rats and a black corn snake. I thrive on chaos and therefore I also bottle feed and foster underage kittens for my girlfriend's rescue. I am THE Crazy Cat Lady. I live in Southern California (yes, you can be jealous now) and own my home so… I won't ever be leaving! I am not close to my family mainly because… well, I don't really relate to them. But, I love the fuck out of my friends and will do anything for them. I hope that you will follow this blog. Mainly because it would nice to hear your own experiences or times you relate to something you read on here. But, also be aware that I am NOT an everyday, on schedule blogger. I blog when I have something to share. Always remember that forced words on paper are just as fake as that 'comeback' you have towards someone ten minutes too late. Let it go and wait for the next victim. I am also a staunch supporter of swearing. If I didn't swear, you would know that I was dead. So, take a stroll down memory lane on this blog and follow my thoughts and adventures.

One response to “Don’t touch that Spam!

  1. Katrina ⋅

    So did you ever eat the spam? Get pictures with it? Is it expired?!?!

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